Room to Myself

from by Orit Shimoni

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I've got this room to myself now, and dear God it's been so long,
I've got the t.v. on with no sound, it helps me face the silence
with a casual skinnod, hey, at least I'm not alone,
the world's still out there, I'm still breathing,
Though I've been feeling my old bones,
I've come this far in numbers, and I've come this close to some,
and if I could think instead of sleeping, I'd think on each and everyone
how much love squeezes, causing a contraction,
and if I weren't so busy dreaming, I'd spring myself to action,
but I've got this room to myself now, and dear God it's been so long,
and I don't know if I'm staying or if I am to continue seeking on
but I'm so grateful, and it's been pleasing,
and I've been crying my fair share, but somehow it's all been pleasing,
And I've come this far in answers, and I've come so close to the question,
and if I could conjure all day long I'd not run out of imagination,
but I should have warned you that I would want this more,
I should have followed your advice and never started this whole war
but I came asking, and you put your foot down,
and now I'm slumped in the arms of other strangers with thoughts that spin out in all directions,
and it's not that I'm ungrateful, and yeah, it's been pleasing,
and though I've been crying my fair share, I never stopped believing,
Well it makes me tired, but it also makes me smile
I've got a hundred thousand stories for each and every single mile
and you would like them, at least, I think you would,
but in going out to get them, I had to leave for good,
and you don't want me now, well, that's a given,
You never really did, it was me who was so driven,
and that's what hurts, I never got to win,
and all the while we knew it, and still we tried not to cave in
til the pressure built, and everything erupted,
and it was ugly, and so we parted,
and I've got this room to myself now,
and dear God it's been so long
and as soon as I hit solitude, it's always the same song of you,
And now I've come back from the haunted other side,
with equal scars and medals, with equal guilt and equal pride,
so I may bide now, I may just tuck away,
and fall back into the type of seeking that can only be found in my own damn head,
I will keep breathing, I will not leave you,
or if nothing else, I promise you I never shall deceive you,
for to create a deception, you must have a plan,
and me - as soon as I have anything, some other one's begun.


from SOFT LIKE SNOW, released October 6, 2016
Orit Shimoni: Words and Music, vocals, piano



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