Lost and Found on the Road to Nowhere

by Orit Shimoni

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about

Recorded in Deventer, the Netherlands at the studio of Dutch musician Martin van de Vrugt, this collection of 13 songs is a delicate reflection of life on the road of the travelling troubadour, who has been touring full time for nearly a decade, suitcase and guitar.

credits

released June 6, 2018

Martin van de Vrugt: additional instruments and vocals, recording, mixing and mastering,
Orit Shimoni: lead vocals, guitar, harmonies.
All songs written and composed by Orit Shimoni

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Track Name: Drifting
1) DRIFTING
Father, Father,
Tell me a story,
Make it heroic,
Make it come true,
Father, Father,
Give me some counsel,
Tell me what I am supposed to do,

What do you mean
You don’t know either?
That isn’t how this is supposed to go,
Father, Father,
Tell me the secret,
Give me an answer,
Please don’t say no

Mama,
Make me feel better,
I’m under the weather
And I’m feeling blue,
Tell me, tell me
I’ll come out the winner
And all of those bullies will see I am true,

What do you mean
You’re wondering too,
Clinging to hope and for more things to do,
Mama,
Why do you hug me with fright,
That horrible fright
That says I’m just like you.

I’m drifting,
Would I even know if it looked me
Straight in the eye,
I can’t think of anything worse
Than not knowing the answer
Before I die

Baby, baby,
Tell me you love me
There’s no one above me
And never will be,
Tell me you’ll save
Every comment and comfort
And all loving gestures
For no one but me,

What do you mean
There are some restrictions,
I can’t go and leave you
For too many days,
How can I
Go on being myself
When life on the road
Is the one thing that pays?

Doctor, Doctor,
Tell me the reason,
Tell me the source
That causes these pangs,
I’ve been having
This terrible fever,
This terrible swelling
In all of my glands,

What do you mean
It’s all in my head,
I should give it a rest
And just go to bed,
That’s no way,
No way to go,
If you’re trying your best
Just to get ahead,

I’m drifting,
Would I even know if it looked me
Straight in the eye,
I can’t think of anything worse
Than not knowing the answer before I die.
Track Name: Peace of Mind
2) PEACE OF MIND

There was a line, and I crossed it,
There was a chance, but I tossed it
And if there was a map, I would have lost it,
And there was nobody to tell me where to go,

I’ve been alone, gazing at the sky,
I’ve looked down and sighed, fretted and worried,
But morning comes and I’m still alive,
I have survived, but my head’s always spinning,

I can’t find no peace of mind,
And I’ve got miles to go

There was a dream, I cannot quite remember,
There was a flame, but now it’s just an ember
I was a reckless woman, but I’ve tamed her
And she is restlessly haunting all my days,

I’ve been in pain, looking for salvation,
Tried mending my ways, atoning, repenting,
But morning comes and the Devil still mocks,
Points at the clock and the path unrelenting,

I can’t find no peace of mind
And I’ve got miles to go.
Track Name: Jerusalem
Lord, it’s been so long since I’ve seen the river Jordan,
I used to sit and think, there on the banks,
When life was as simple as water,
It seems so complicated now,

My mother and my father have been waiting,
I used to feel so sure in their arms,
When love was as easy as family,
It seems so unrelated now,

I’ve had so many children in my other lives,
I’ve gathered them and I’ve held them in my arms,
But I gave them to the world, I gave them to the world,
And I’m so weary now, I want to be the child

Oh, you know that I miss Jerusalem,
I used to walk her streets at night,
When lives were more precious than the cobblestone,
They seem so underrated now,

And I’ve had so many children in my other lives,
I’ve gathered them and I’ve held them in my arms,
But I gave them to the world, I gave them to the world
And I’m so weary now I want to be the child.
Track Name: Bound
I’m bound to the places where loved ones sleep
I’m bound to the promises I keep
And I’m bound to the heavens
Like I’m bound to the ground,
I’m bound to the secrets in my bones,
And I’m bound to the truths I face alone
I’m bound to the river
Like I’m bound to the earth,
And I’m bound to the fact of my very birth,

And what is freedom, but to honour these bonds,
The bonds that tell us what our freedom’s for?

I’m bound to the ghosts that visit me
I’m bound to my bouts of misery
And I’m bound to decisions
Like I’m bound to my fears,
I’m bound to concepts others make
And I’m bound to my weaknesses, troubles and aches
I’m bound to aspire, like I’m bound to give in,
And I’m bound to the shifting state I’m in

What is freedom, but to honour these bonds
The bonds that tell us what our freedom’s for?

I’m bound to the spin of this world’s turn
I’m bound to the pennies that I earn
And I’m bound to commitment,
Though I want to break free,
But without the boundary, what’s the meaning of me?
Track Name: The Kind of Love
Your words are like honey,
they’re like answers I’ve longed to hear,
I know what you’re saying to me,
But you know that I’m trying to live my life peacefully
And this attraction, it’s distracting,

I don’t want the kind of love
That only celebrates the night,
I want the kind of love that I can see,
I don’t want the kind of friendship
That is only there in words,
I want someone who can
Cover for me,
Cover for me,
Cover for me

You say only you could understand me,
Well I admit, sometimes it seems true,
But I’m wary of people who think they know me,
‘cause their vision calls me, it calls me…

I don’t mind the kind of chains
That’ll ease and settle me,
I like the kind of love that I can see,

I don’t believe in the kind of friendship
That is only there in words,
I want someone who will
Cover for me,
Cover for me,
Cover for me..
Track Name: It Took a Long Time
6) IT TOOK A LONG TIME

It took a long time to get over you,
There wasn’t anything that I could do,
I couldn’t rush it while it worked itself through,
It took a long time to get over you,

Just when I thought that I had it licked
Some little trigger would come and stick
It’s finger in the wound,
Would mock and say “too soon,”
It took a long time to get over you.

Don’t know if I’m ready to run into you,
But I no longer want to hide,
The weight and the panic no longer swell
With the force of the ocean’s tide,

I can breathe again, and I can smile
But I assure you it took a really long while,
And I just want to tell you that the grieving is through,
But it took a long time to get over you,

And I’m wondering if you’re still in knots,
What you’ve been thinking,
If I’m still in your thoughts,
If you’ve gotten through the unbearable pain,
I wouldn’t mind seeing you again,

It took a long time to get over you
Time heals all wounds, well that’s partially true,
But I must confess that I still think of you,
Cause it took a long time to get over you.
Track Name: Smarter Than Me
7) SMARTER THAN ME

She wakes up at dawn, she showers, gets ready
Another day working for a paycheck that’s steady,
And she always looks good in her make up and skirts,
But you know she’s still gorgeous in sweat-pants and dirt,

And you watch how she moves with her long-legged walk,
She’s tall and she’s strong, clearly comes from good stock,
And her actions reveal she knows just what she wants,
And her humour’s the type that charmingly taunts,

And she’s smarter than me,
She’s not trying to break free,
Content with her lot as far as I can see,
She’s smarter than me.

She’s got her opinions and their solid as rocks,
And she states them quite clearly with confident talk,
And you can’t say about her, the woman is shy,
She isn’t afraid to look you in the eye,

And I am bold in my own way
But I’m nothing like her at all,
I imagine I could have been before my fall,
And it’s hard to say why we end up where we are,
She’s got what I wanted and I’m so very far,

And she’s smarter than me,
She isn’t struggling to break free
Content with her telly and her cup of tea,
She’s smarter than me

She’s got her routine, she knows how to unwind
With a bowl of some crisps and a glass of red wine,
She curls on the couch and she rolls out a smoke,
She knows she should quit and she laughs at the joke

That her honesty grants, she is modest, for sure,
Stoic and stubborn but essential and pure
She’s had her troubles, she’s had her pain,
But she always keeps going, right as rain,

And she’s smarter than me,
She’s not trying to break free,
Content with her imperfect family,
She’s smarter than me,

I could have been like her,
But as you can see,
She’s smarter than me.
Track Name: Song for Townes
8) SONG FOR TOWNES

I lay me down in a room where a man like me was already dying,
And I thought, “why do we choose the demise of ourselves as rebellion?”
If the calling is God, then the muse is the Devil,
Something’s wrong with this path, something’s not on the level,
It’ll nip at your heels and give without warning,
Close your eyes and pray you’ll be here in the morning,

Well, it’s a sordid affair, hardly right, hardly fair when it gets you,
But the sounds just come out, and it’s too late for doubt, you just go,
If the calling is God, I say the muse is the Devil,
Something’s wrong with this path, something’s not on the level,
There are too many thoughts that flood in without warning,
Close your eyes and pray there’ll be some truth in the morning,

There’s salvation in bits, in the kindness of strangers and friends,
And if you just push on through, there’ll be more when you get ‘round the bend,
If the calling is God, then the muse is the Devil,
Something’s wrong with this path, something’s not on the level,
Hearts can twist from their core and turn without warning,
Close your eyes and pray there’ll be love in the morning,

Well, if it makes you feel free, how can you disagree with the theory
That to live is to fly, you just can’t deny that it’s true,
If the calling is God, I say the muse is the Devil,
Something’s wrong with this path, something’s not on the level
If you rise to the sky your wings will melt without warning,
Close your eyes and pray they’ll be there in the morning,

And if it all goes wrong and if I have no place to fall,
At the end of the day, it’s still you that I wish I could call,
If the calling is God, and the muse is the Devil,
And if they both point at you, I can only just revel
At the beauty I’ve seen, and the songs for the showing,
That will be here when I’m not in the morning.
Track Name: When You Are a Wanderer
9) WHEN YOU ARE A WANDERER

I want to make you happy, Baby, but I don’t know if I can,
And I’m trying to put it into something you would understand,
You try to give me everything, but what I need is space,
And all the guilt of all my sins hits me when I see your face,
Cause you’re so good to me and I believe it when you say
You really love me faithfully and you’d like it if I stayed,
But even though you are the sweetest thing to ever be with me,
If you really love me then you’ll just set me free,

And please don’t be angry, and please don’t be sad,
The fact that I have been with you will always make me glad,
But you see me when I’m in one place, I start to lose my mind,
And I start in fits of suffering, and comfort I can’t find,
And I will even hope as I go wandering there will come a time
When I can come back to your arms, and I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
But baby don’t you wait for me, cause I may be a while,
And I don’t mind if someone else can meanwhile make you smile,

And if you choose to be with her, I’ll just have to accept,
Cause when you are a wanderer, well that’s just what you get.
Track Name: Where to Begin
10) WHERE TO BEGIN

When I share stories, I get choked up,
There’ve been wars and far too many loves
On which I’ve given up,
Beautiful people, beautiful places,
And there’s heartache
To go with each one of their faces,

I always laugh when people say I’m brave,
I’ve been scared since I was born,
And I’ll remain so til the grave,
They have their reasons to think I’m strong,
But I’m the only one who knows,
and I know damn well that they’re wrong,

And there’s a great amount of people who have let me in,
Each one’s been an angel but not one without their sin,
And I don’t know where to begin, so I just listen to the wind,

And when I’m quiet I hear their stories too,
Everybody loves and suffers, that much I know is true,
We’re all broken, but still we’re tough,
We search hard for the reasons when the going gets rough,

And folks want to know what are my plans,
Well I’ve made some in my head,
But I have come to understand,
What’s ‘round the corner is never sure,
To admit I’ve no idea is more sensible and pure,

And so I take what I have learned and I hand out my confessions,
And I walk a little farther though it’s not with clear direction,
When I don’t know where to begin, I just listen to the wind,

I’m not immune to stormy weather,
I’m not convinced by getting older,
That I am getting better,
What have I learned in all this time,
That is worth something real
Outside these melodies and rhymes,

And still they come to me from places that I can not quite explain,
And they don’t solve any problems but they help to ease the pain,
And I don’t know where to begin, so I just listen to the wind.
Track Name: So Lucky
11) SO LUCKY

I’ve got love, I’ve got love,
It comes at me in waves,
And I’ve got sorrows make me think of the grave,
And I’ve got so much time, but it’s never enough,
It all seems so heavy, and I aint’ got much stuff,

I’ve got peace, I’ve got peace,
Got a roof, got a floor,
But there’s an ugly war raging
on both sides of the door
And I am heaven bent,
but it feels like hell,
And all anybody ever says is, ‘oh well’

But we’re so lucky to have each other,
We’re so lucky to have each other,

I’ve got trust, I’ve got trust
Issues it seems,
I’ve been reading too many of those
Damned magazines,
And I’ve got faith,
But it’s what makes me doubt,
I only catch a rare glimpse of what it’s all about,

But we’re so lucky to have each other,
We’re so lucky to have each other.
Track Name: Hallelujah
12) HALLELUJAH

In an old pocket I found a smoke,
A year after I quit,
And I stopped and wondered if I should,
And then I thought, “fuck it”
And I poured myself a glass of wine
And with ceremony lit it,
I thought about the time I’ve lost
Having that same old fit
The one that tells me I’m not good enough,
Though I know that I am strong,
And I’ve fought off every demon
Tried to prove me that I’m wrong,
And I’ve got a friend in every town,
And still I don’t belong,
And my best friend has always been a song,

But Hallelujah to the spirit that remains
And Hallelujah to the sound of sweet refrains,
I can pack my life into a box
And hop that same old train,
Just as long as I keep moving
Nothing’s lost
And nothing’s gained,

Well everybody’s growing up,
Time is showing on their face,
And despite the best of all advice
It still feels like a race
And I’m fine as long as I am
Being held in an embrace,
But you cannot spend forever
In one place,

And oh, Time, you are sneaky and you’re cold,
And I don’t know who scares me more,
The young ones, or the old,
It feels just like a card-game,
You can fake, or you can fold,
But there aren’t so many winners,
So I’m told,

But Hallelujah to the spirit that remains
And Hallelujah to the sound of sweet refrains,
I can pack my life into a box
And hop that same old train,
Just as long as I keep moving,
Nothing’s lost,
And nothing’s gained,

Well, that cigarette burned quickly,
And it left me wanting more,
But it wasn’t more to smoke,
I don’t know what I smoked it for
Cause it ended and I felt
Just as I had felt before,
Ceiling still above me,
And below me still the floor,
I don’t know what I’ve been expecting,
Some magical new thing,
As if I could turn around
And suddenly I’d have real wings,
I don’t know what to call this dream
That stubbornly still clings
When every day
The same old cycle brings,

But Hallelujah to the spirit that remains,
And Hallelujah to the sound of sweet refrains,
I can pack my life into a box
And hop that same old train,
Just as long as I keep moving,
Nothing’s lost,
And nothing’s gained.
Track Name: Truth is a Hard Line
13) TRUTH IS A HARD LINE

Don’t shoot the messenger, the saying goes,
Well I really get it, lord knows,
Cause I’ve been put here, or so it seems,
To spread bad news

I apologise for my sad style
I’ve been this way for quite a while
And you know that this line of work
Ain’t something that you choose

Truth is a hard line
And if you don’t want to listen,
Well that’s just fine,
I’ll keep singing the words
As they come down to me
And I can try to refine,
But it ain’t up to me to define,
I just tell it like I see it,
And then I set it free,

The truth is ugly, I’m well aware,
And I am stuck here and forced to stare
It in the eye, and it makes me cry
More often than not,

And I know people would rather dance
To some up-tempo song of romance
And I know all too well
That those are songs that sell,

Truth is a hard line....

You know that I don’t mean to make you choke,
But how can we fix it, if we don’t know it’s broke
And that’s exactly, that’s exactly where I fit in,
Cause if you sing with me,
We might undo some of this misery,
We might find courage,
And spark compassion
That lies within

Truth is a hard line,
And we should always listen
Even though it’s trying,
Cause we have got to sing the words
As they come down our way,
I hope you understand
That if we bury our heads deep in the sand,
The sad things that I sing about
Will never go away,

So let me sing my sad songs,
Sad songs are ok.

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